Blogs by DL from 2019 and 2018
- Damita Levy
- Apr 15, 2020
- 25 min read
By Damita L
Every human being goes through some type of tribulation in his/her life. I have met the impoverished, the working class, middle class, the new bourgeoisie, and the rich, and I can say that everyone has had problems. The problems differ from worrying about survival, to moving ahead, to abusive relationships, to drug or alcohol abuse, to worries on whether anyone cares if they live or die.
Everyone gets touched. It’s how one moves forward in life after their tribulations that show us their inner convictions and willingness to show resiliency in the face of some serious problems. It also becomes inspiring to read about famous peoples struggles to realize that we are not alone in our anxieties and problems.
Comedian Jim Carrey, who rose to fame after appearing on “In Living Color” had been homeless with his family at the age of 15. Oprah Winfrey, one of the most famous TV personalities, business owners, and a billionaire, was molested as a youth and had a child at 14 years of age. Jane Fonda, a famous actress in her own right, and the daughter of a famous actor (reportedly “cold” father), had learned that her mother had taken her own life using a razor. Fonda suffered from an eating disorder for more than a decade.
Actresses Gabrielle Union and Fran Drescher were raped. Harry Potter Author, J. K. Rowling, was on government assistance and did not have much money for her and her baby.
What these celebrities did was to talk about their problems, set goals and work on their goals. Resilience does not mean that people never experienced problems or is not combating problems associated with their pasts. It just means that despite the traumas and problems, one continues to move forward.
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2018 QUOTES AND FOOD FOR THOUGHT
By Damita L
2018 marked some wins and some losses. I did not get everything I wanted, but it's okay. I cherish the good, cope with the bad, and make plans.
Some of the people I've worked with have told me they felt many emotions this year such as: anxiety, defeat, happiness, anger, frustration, and fear (fear of failure, success, of the unknown). There is no cookie cutter solution for emotional ills, but there is one universal truth. The truth is that whatever life brings, you have to keep moving forward with your goals and or plans.
Quotes, especially those from some people who we admire, give us insight into their pasts and our own future endeavors.
Here are websites to check out with some inspiring quotes.
One quote that speaks to me is: “You do what you can for as long as you can, and when you finally can’t, you do the next best thing. You back up but you don’t give up.” ― Chuck Yeager
A quote that I cherish is: "If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward." ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
The triumphs, the worries, the battles, the up and down experiences from 2018 are coming to an end. Soon, they will be in the rear-view window.
You cannot go back and redo the past, but you can try and learn from past emotional triggers which may have ruled over you.
Did you survive the stress and learn new coping skills? You probably did better than you care to admit to yourself because you participated and engaged in life! Resiliency is about finding appropriate coping skills and moving forward! Keep it moving, and happy New Year!
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SOME POIGNANT QUOTATIONS
By DamitaJQ
Reading short, poignant quotations sometimes helps with resiliency, perseverance, and coping skills. Sometimes, we all need a quick shot of positivism. Benjamin Franklin and the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. are two visionaries that I admire a lot. Franklin’s quote is great because it talks about the importance of immersing oneself to gain the skills. There are a lot of talkers who may try to instruct you on what to do, but the final step of involvement is a great step because it means one applies the teaching into developing skills.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s inspirational comments below apply to life and how important perseverance becomes in one’s life. Some people have told me how that they feel stuck or bad off. While I understand that they are speaking their truth; I also realize that it is not healthy for them to remain in that ‘stuck’ place. Wherever you are in your life, you can work on one or more of your goals. King is imploring people to do whatever they can from whatever position they are in their lives. The quotations are posted below.
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
By Ben Franklin
If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.
By Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Just because I laugh a lot, doesn’t mean my life is easy. Just because I have a smile on my face every day, doesn’t mean that somethings not bothering me. It’s just that I choose to move on with the negative in my life, and keep my head up, instead of dwelling on the past.
By Unknown
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DEATH FOR SOMEONE SO YOUNG
By Damita
How do you cope with a foreseeable death and tragedy in someone else’s life? My husband/partner has a friendship with a man that has lasted since they were teenagers. This man lives in the Greater Northwest Area and has had multiple family tragedies – a pregnant wife dying before giving birth and other family members dying tragically. A couple of days ago, this man called my husband to tell him about another tragedy. His young, adult daughter who has never married or had children, has terminal brain cancer. Her doctor has reportedly given her three months left to live!
My husband said that man (understandably) was in tears on and off throughout the conversation. The daughter is already suffering, her body is breaking down, and she uses a wheelchair. She got a second opinion from a different doctor to be sure of her fatal diagnosis. She has moved back in with her father for care because she loses her balance easily so she uses a wheelchair. She cannot hear in one ear. Over time, she will sleep more and more until she is in a coma. Despite these severe limitations, she is living her life to the best of her ability. Unbelievable!
My husband met the daughter when she was still a child. He said he remembers talking with her years ago. My husband’s friend suggested that he call his daughter. My husband mentioned to me that he does not know exactly what to say. This is all so sad, so tragically unfair, and so unbelievable, he feels. I understand. Death seems a far-off endeavor. Tragedy whereby a young woman who has not self-actualized probably won’t live to see middle-age. I have not met her, but I feel so bad for her and her loved ones.
She needs some coping mechanisms. I think that besides some type of medical care, she needs some sort of counseling to come to terms with her reality, time with loved ones, devices (art or music perhaps to take her mind off of her reality), and if she cares, time with a spiritual believer who can offer words of wisdom on her life.
I got to thinking how life is a mystery – none of us know how long our lives will last and how it all ends. Life is not all peaches and cream, but death is not expected for babies and other young people. We should spend precious time worrying about it. Many of us act like we’re going to be here forever – how else do you explain not working on some of our goals and living with little care?
I feel sad for her predicament. The dying woman’s circumstances reminds me of universal truths. The first universal truth is that nothing is promised to us. Sometimes you hear it, but don’t believe it. Secondly, death awaits us all. Finally, life is not fair. Every human suffers, but the severity and degree can be indiscriminate. It's a waste of time to go through life feeling down or morbid. You realize these truths by honoring, as best you can, the time you have while you are alive. I have yet to meet anyone who celebrates life every day, but an awareness of life’s preciousness and limits are beneficial to living in the 'here and now.'
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TWO ICONIC AMERICAN SYMBOLS OF RESILIENCE
By Damita L
Two prominent survivors who made epic displays of resiliency passed away this month. The Queen of Aretha Soul, Aretha Franklin. Former Senator and decorated war veteran, John McCain died. The resilience and strength they both displayed are legendary.
Franklin, AKA the Queen of Soul, won 18 Grammys! She died at the age of 76 in August of 2018. Her televised funeral which was about eight hours long, will go down in the history books as one of the longest ones. She had 18 Grammy Awards and was a Kennedy Center Honoree. She was the first woman to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. One fact that I never knew about Franklin was that she had four sons – two of whom she had under the age of 16! How many teenage mothers experience having a hard time getting their lives back on track after such an event? Having two children early in her life, did not deter her from performing and realizing her dreams. Franklin did not let being a single mother stop her.
She did not let being a black woman born before the Civil Rights Movement stop her either. How many times did she have to stay and perform at blacks-only places? She left Arista Records in 2003, according to her IMDB Page, and founded her own label! Incredible. Aretha continued to perform and kept her illness quiet.
John McCain died at the age of 81. He was the US Senator from Arizona from 1987 to 2018. Before becoming a Senator, he was a member of the US House of Representatives. He attended the US Naval Academy in Annapolis MD (where is he buried) and a Naval Officer. He served in the US Navy from 1958 to 1981, most notably in the Vietnam War. During his initial captivity, he had broken both arms and a leg. His captors did not give him the proper medical attention. He was a Vietnam War Prisoner for more than five years. He was given the option by his captors to confess to wrongdoing and sign statements. Because of his injuries and even after he returned to regular life in the states, he was unable to fully raise his arms over his head ever again.
McCain got into disagreements with President Donald Trump over political stances. Even though they were in the same Republican Party, McCain stayed true to what he felt was right and wrong. He opposed the president on a few issues, and made a final request that the president not be invited to his funeral service.
Franklin and McCain will be missed. The resilience they both displayed will not be easily duplicated. Furthermore, the impact their lives and talents had on America will be missed. They left their indelible marks on this country’s history and soul. God bless them both.
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GET UP, SHOW UP, AND TRY
By Damita L
Let’s face it. Every major problem becomes significant to us because it deals with our lives whether it involves a life-altering disease, an injury, a significant other losing interest in us, having -work-related problems, or losing a job. In those situations, most of us bounce back because we have good medical care, can talk with a therapist, seek out other friends, or change our jobs. But, how would you feel if you had no safe, warm, secure place to rest each day? What does resilience look like for people at the very bottom? What does resilience look like when your life falls apart due to homelessness? Some people fall apart, some just exist, while some find ways to cope.
Some homeless people appear to have methods of resiliency, while others do not. Four videos will touch your heart and highlight homeless people – all at various stages of coping. What does resilience look like when your life falls apart? The first thing you do is go into survival mode. The second thing you do is look for what resources you have – family and others who might care about you. I see that the homeless family got help because they got a new place to live. I suspect that the others sought help from agencies and others.
In the first, older video, (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7daSHhI1hI) a well-spoken homeless man, known as 'Brother Bluestocking' talks briefly. Brother Bluestocking has two Masters’ Degrees and stated that he is a licensed teacher and guidance counselor in two states. He also talked about being a musician. He also stated that he has a plan to escape homelessness, yet did not discuss any details. His weapons of coping are his artistic abilities and his belief that his situation is not permanent.
The second video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfU8TUZRtZg has another homeless man mentions he has a wife and some phony Facebook friends. He mentions that he has a felony conviction on his record for drug possession (not dealing) and is unable to get housing and other needs due to his conviction. He also talks about having more than 240 friends on Facebook, but that when he reached out them to get-together; none of them wanted to be bothered. He explained that he can cope and feel value in his tough life when he is able to make at least one positive difference in someone’s life. There are some people who ae ‘takers,’ so it is beautiful that someone who has nothing still wants to give back to others.
Another video, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYShiXMGULE shows a woman standing near an overpass and a tent, called Amanda. Amanda is homeless, brain-injured, and resides in Seattle. At first, she has a big smile, and then starts to cry when she talks about her existence which involves living under a bridge. She said that she is not afraid to be “authentic” and sees herself as unselfish because she helps people. Amanda copes with homelessness by looking at the positive even if “pretending is what gets you through.” Amanda stated that all any of us “can do is get up, show up, and try.” I love that statement. She further states that her three wishes (for others) would be: strength to continue fighting, that others can get out of this too (homeless) and understanding and compassion for everybody, just knowledge.”
The final video is one of pure joy. It shows a homeless, little boy and his mother https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UhaYyQVuuE seeing their dream home with decorations and furnishings for the first time. The little boy is so shocked and overjoyed that he cries. This is the power of resilience.
Seeing the happy little boy was uplifting, while seeing people at their worse was sad. The lessons here are plan stages in your life as much as possible, and when problems come seek out help from friends, family, and agencies before the sh** hits the fan.
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DO YOU FEEL STUCK CREATIVELY?
By Damita L
Have you ever felt stuck creatively? Are you constantly worrying about working on a writing project or are you a budding writer? Perhaps, you have a creative business in mind, but worry about making the right decision.
Have you ever felt stuck creatively – either briefly or long-term? I have. I used to work as a Reporter and covered news’ stories. I had to decide how to frame each and every story I worked on for the day. I have also loved writing fictional stories since I was a child.
When I grew up, I wanted to be around other writers, so I joined some writers’ groups. During some meetings, I would hear some writers complain about lacking inspiration and about feeling stuck. They seemed deeply perplexed. I knew that some very creative people struggled to get their writings or art works done. Some decided to plan ways to deal with an occasional lack of inspiration. Some artists decided to give themselves a writing schedule. However, there were some who waited for some 'thunderbolts' of inspiration. While the first option was terrific for actively pursuing goals, the second option was ludicrous because it relies on outside sources to help with motivation.
Everyone has their own methods of improving their creativity. I have listed a few methods below. Some methods to increase creativity are to:
Foster and generate a creative environment.
Have a plan and write/jot it down.
Be positive, and whatever happens, keep moving forward.
Have a schedule of what, how, and when you will work on your project.
Don’t be afraid to let your ideas flow.
When you have an idea, think about its positive aspects first and foremost, before tearing it down.
Speculation can be good.
Feel good about your right to have ideas.
Do not fear.
Take risks.
The bottom line when dealing with your creativity is to be positive and just do it!
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THOUGHTS ON RECENT CELEBRITY SUICIDES
By Damita L
I am stunned as I write this blog because two prominent people have taken their own lives. I wanted to express some of the myriad of thoughts I have on the matter. For the week of June 4th, 2018, both Fashion Designer Kate Spade and Chef, Author, and Travel Host Anthony Bourdain took their own lives. God bless them and their families. They could not find peace, despite their wealth, fame, and reported successes.
Spade was worth $200 million at the time of her death, according to celebritynetworth.com. Bourdain, was worth about $16 million. Both Spade and Bourdain had significant others, children, and financial means. Avicii (born Tim Bergling), was a 28-year-old Swedish, Electronic Music Disc Jockey, who traveled the world, and was worth millions. Avicii also took his own life in 2018 as well. In 2014, Comedian Robin Williams committed suicide.
Suicide is a serious and heartbreaking topic. I wish that Spade, Bourdain, and anyone else with dark thoughts who took their own lives had reached out to good friends and to mental health practitioners. I wondered what made these people so miserable – was it chemical or mental health issues or just life’s circumstances?
I remember having conversations with people over the years, who claimed that money would bring them happiness and peace. What the past few years have shown some of us with our theories on how happy the rich and famous people must be, are that generalizations on this matter are emphatically wrong. Some exceptionally successful, wealthy people are also depressed, anxious, and dissatisfied. Money does not provide peace or happiness, just as a lack of money does not mean people have no appreciation of life.
I grew up in a faith-based home without a lot of means, and I looked at the proverbial cup (of life) as always being half-full, no matter what I was dealing with at the time. I always had the perspective that things could get better. Even when down times came in my life, I never completely lost hope. Life is a gift. We are born kicking and screaming to take that first breath, and the battle to survive continues. Some people literally fight to stay alive. Many in my family fought through devastating illnesses like cancer to survive. Some succeeded, and others did not.
I have seen miserable people of all types. I have also seen people making minimum wage, who work backbreaking jobs, who still talk of having joy in their lives. I recall a male celebrity giving an interview several years ago, saying he was lonely and had no real friends that he could call up at 3:00 a.m. for help. I have seen some people with loving families, money, who still express unhappiness at each stressor.
The answer to unhappiness is not avoidance, drugs, alcoholism, or suicide. Seek out help from professionals. Keep a truth-seeker around you who can provide you solace and comfort. Put some time in your life each week to exercise your mind or your body or give yourself a healthy treat of some type. And know and believe that any bad period is temporary. I like the phrase, “and this too shall pass.”
Human beings experience sadness and depression. It’s all right to feel sadness or loss for a limited time, but at some point, you must move on. It’s vital to not surrender your existence to those dark feelings. If you start to feel lost or depressed over time, seek help.
For more help on suicides, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provides the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-8255 (TALK).
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SEEING RESILIENCE IN OWN HOME
Damita L May 2018
When I think of a resilient person (besides myself), I do not have to look any further than my home. My husband, Bruce, is incredibly resilient. He is resilient in nature, but he doesn’t talk about it or leave the house talking tough. He keeps a good spirit as he goes to work every week.
I did not meet my husband until 2012. We were middle-aged people who still felt open to love. I was unsure if true love would find a path to my door at this stage in my life. When I met my husband, he stated that he was open to love, a relationship, and commitment.
When I met him, he was so happy and had a constant smile on his face. I looked at this man and decided that he probably did not have a care in the world. He had been at his job for over 15 years. He had a supportive, loving family. He went to at least eight concerts a year – sometimes by himself. Often times, he bought a second ticket, telling me that this was in case he met someone down the road. He was also part of a baseball group at work which attended the Nationals’ Baseball Games at Nat Park.
He was deeply involved with his family, who lived out of state. He spoke with them throughout the month. He found the time to visit his mother and siblings, one or more times each year for holidays and get-togethers. He had a few male friends in Virginia, Washington, and New York. I admired how he had been able to maintain contact with some friends for decades. Over time, some of these relationships dissipated – maybe due to illness, separation, and more. Bruce felt his friends were important, and tried to maintain a connection with them, even when some did not return a note or a card. I admired that because I knew how hard it was for me to maintain ties with old friends once one of us moved on to a new area and a new life. Remember, I mentioned that Bruce had a constant smile. His smile did not tell me that he had walked through hell. He had come back from the other side, and lived.
Bruce had contracted Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in 2007. He fought it with all of his being and with Chemotherapy Treatments. He was forced again into battle mode when he contracted cancer again in 2010. When he was battling cancer his family, some friends, and co-workers provided support. His siblings came down to help him. That was wonderful. However, he lived alone, and was left to battle the disease, primarily on his own. For the most part, Bruce had to fight the battle on his own. Fight he did – in the mornings, evenings and throughout his days. He continued to fight, he said, even when his long-term relationship dissolved. I feel sad that he went through this trauma alone despite the fact that his romantic relationship ending allowed for him to be open to a new love interest.
He kept working through these difficult times when he felt well or definitively sick from the Chemotherapy. He would drive himself to these treatments. He went to his other doctor appointments. He remained hopeful and positive. He continued living his life, despite the pain and the fears. I am so happy to say that he is now in remission!
I admire his fortitude and stamina. I understand his fears because I battled Uterine Fibroids alone – even when I bled out at work sites or all over my bathroom floor and passed out. When I look at Bruce, I see a man who fears hornets, who loves comics, who gets upset easily when driving, who loves his family, and cherishes life. I also see a man who is loved and who loves dearly. Finally, I see a man who is resilient and self-realized. I know from his past that whatever comes his way, he will continue to strive to survive.
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TO BE RESILIENT
By Damita L
Resiliency is not just something I have studied while gaining my graduate degrees and counseling certification, but something that I have lived and witnessed repeatedly. I see resiliency as a part of the human experience.
I was born into a faithful, yet troubled family. My mother was divorced with children, and had no support system.
My childhood neighborhood had positive/faith-based people at the churches and schools. However, there were negative and evil aspects there, such as: those who preyed on others, the drug addicts and alcoholics, the pedophiles, the neglectful parents, and those adults who turned a blind eye to the ills around them.
Despite some of my challenges, I was an optimist and believed that any situation had the potential to change for the better.
I figured out that I was naturally resilient since I survived and moved on with my life. As a teenager, I went to a rural, New England boarding school on a scholarship, and endured a few years living in a foreign world.
Later, I faced problems with: trying to be a successful college student, paying my bills, handling friendships and romantic relationships, dealing with conflicts, and attempting to figure out my place in the world. I did all of these things alone because there was no guide or support system for me then.
Being optimistic helped, but was not the only solution to dealing with life's problems. I had to learn to resilient. My need to find coping mechanisms did not stop because I moved from the city to the country, went to college, or entered the world of work. Every new aspect of my life involved coping in one way or another. I had to learn to deal with the fears and anxieties that everyone faces.
In the upcoming posts, I will examine different Coping Skills and Strategies, as well as Resilience Methods. I will also provide URL Links to resources with helpful insight.
I believe in the power of Resilience. I believe that the path to it must be learned and practiced consistently.
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MAKNG GOOD DECISIONS
By Damita L
Everyone has had to make a decision which is a choice on whether to go left, right, or do nothing at all.
Some decisions are easy to make such as those involving what to wear on a regular day, what to fix for dinner, or what activities (if any) to do on a typical weekend.
Other decisions may be more difficult to make such as: what to do when money is tight and another big expense arises, how to deal with a difficult person in your personal or professional life, changing careers, moving forward on a business, or what to do when a decision involves a family member.
I like to weigh the pros and cons of any situation by flushing it out in my head and on paper. I have also found it useful to run some choices by a trusted person who will not judge me.
I'd advise taking a few days before making a big decision because the passage of time could open up more realizations on choices. Important, life-changing decisions should definitely be made with some thought.
Ask yourself the questions below to ascertain whether a decision fits positively or negatively in your life.
1. Will your decision help or harm you?
2. Will your decision hurt someone?
3. Is your decision logical and reasonable?
4. Will your decision allow you to feel good about yourself?
5. Would you be fine with your family and friends knowing about your decision?
6. What would the person that you admire think of your decision?
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RESILIENCE IN A TIME OF GRIEF
By Damita L
Life and death are a part of the human experience. Experiencing the death of a loved one comes with a lot of challenges and different emotions. Those emotions can be: grief, anger, fear, anxiety, regret, sadness, and more. I recall going to funerals when I was a child and hearing others criticizing other attendees’ lack of grief and tears.
I know all too well as a human being and as a professional that grief is personal. Grief and a mix bag of emotions can hit prior to, during, and even a long time after the funeral of a loved one.
My thoughts center on death because my older sister died last month. When she was younger, she was excited about life, so I always felt she would live a long life. As an older adult, she had been ill for a very, long time. Due to the ravages of her disease and heart ailments, she passed away in February of 2018. Her sudden death was a shocker and a stressful, unexpected event. She was my third remaining sister. My two other sisters passed away. My parents had also left this world a long while ago. My last sister's passing has hammered in my brain the reality that nothing is guaranteed in this world.
My sister lived in a different state. I was even looking forward to the time in the Spring when I would visit with her again. Instead, I traveled to our home state of Pennsylvania to deliver an eulogy about my truths and my love for her.
My sister enjoyed life and was the life of the party when she got around family and friends. However, she lived a life unrealized and unfulfilled. She had talked about wanting to travel more, to study other programs, and to find a life partner after a few failed relationships. My sister was sensitive about what others thought and said about her, yet had little problem telling you what others said about you. It was a truth that did not erase my love for the woman who helped to shelter me from the storms for a few weeks during some childhood summers.
At her funeral service, I talked about my truths, expressing our relationship, her triumphs, and her struggles. That was my path to coping, dealing with a stressful situation, and building resilience in the face of grief. Talking and sharing with others about her life allowed for me to celebrate her and to let go of past pains. I can look back on her life and feel a sense of peace.
Grief regarding the loss of a loved one due to an illness or traumatic event is akin to experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is an experience that can subside by talking with a caring person about the experience, by finding the good, and by realizing that death is a part of life. Years after the deaths of other family members, I will suddenly experience a rash of sad emotions and cry. The feelings are a fleeting feeling of loss which subsides. A little time after, I feel fine.
Thoughts that help me to cope with my grief are remembering that the deceased person’s contributions, gifts, struggles, and pains are theirs and not yours. Our job as someone who is alive is to cherish the deceased, to be good to others, to show love when warranted, and to live out our lives to the best of our abilities.
Here are two sites with some thoughts on Resilience and Grief:
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LOVE AND VALENTINE'S DAY COPING SKILLS
By Damita L February 2018
February marks a holiday centered on love and emotion. People give cards, flowers, gifts and profess their warm feelings for one another. Love has always been the focus Valentine’s Day. There are different forms of love - love for self, partners, friends, and family. It is important to remember that in order to love another, it is vital to first love yourself. How can you truly be good to another if you cannot be good to yourself?
Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Love others. Treat others with love and care. I have been single, in a relationship, alone, and am now married. I have run the gamut of emotions during this holiday, especially when I was alone and saw the television's love ads. Some truths are that things can change for the better, so if you are not fulfilled romantically, there is always a new day of possibilities. Another truth is that you should love yourself.
Everyone focuses on this one day of love because love is a truly great. It is a blessing when our love and emotions are reciprocated and involves respect and consideration from your significant other.
But, let’s be honest. Love is not always perfect. Sometimes you love someone who does not feel the same about you or respect you.
How do you cope with Valentine’s Day if you are involved with someone? Say something loving to your significant other. Send them a sweet email message mentioning your love and appreciation. Offer your significant other a meal, a massage, a flower, some token of your appreciation. If your love is reciprocated, then respect that love and hold it close to your heart. It is vital to show others you appreciate them and not assume that they already know how you feel.
If you are alone, then do something special for yourself. If you feel sad or melancholy remember that where you were yesterday or today does not mean that the same situation will persist today!
You matter too. Do not forget to take care of your emotional and mindfulness needs by enjoying each moment. If you are not able to do something special for yourself on Valentine’s Day, then do something over the weekend. Some examples could be buying a pleasant-smelling lotion bottle, treating yourself to a beloved single serving of dessert, hiking, working out in the gym, or going to an arboretum or park.
A couple of helpful resources for those single, alone, or coping on Valentine’s Day:
1. If single on Valentine’s Day, read https://www.wikihow.com/Be-Happy-Being-Single-on-Valentine's-Day
2. If coping with grief and the loss of a loved one on this day, check out https://www.verywell.com/how-to-survive-valentines-day-grief-1132537
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CONSIDER USING HOLIDAY-RELATED COPING SKILLS ALL YEAR-LONG
By Damita L 01/2018
The triumphs, the worries, the battles, the up and down experiences from 2017 are in the rearview window. It’s a new year!
You cannot go back and redo the past, but you can try and learn from past emotional triggers which may have ruled over you. Some people had worries over: meeting the expectations of family, friends, a boss, or co-workers; financing gifts and activities; get-togethers, dealing with the realizations of unmet desires; and starting it all over again in the new year.
Did you survive the stress and learn new coping skills? Of course, you survived. Humans survive it all. You probably did better than you care to admit to yourself because you participated and engaged in life! You found a way to survive. That is what resiliency is about - resiliency involves finding and utilizing coping methods to deal with the mediocre to bad times involving ones': fears, worries, and anxieties.
Fears and anxieties can lead to more problems. Some of the anxieties and stresses cause mental and physical fatigue, sleepless nights, and overall distress. Women and men, I have talked with mentioned how they looked forward to the various December holidays because it meant: bright decorations, time off from work, seeing family, get-togethers, decorations, and receiving gifts. However, some people also stated that they felt financially overwhelmed, going into debt to buy gifts and expensive decorations, and trying to make their homes and meals perfect for get-togethers.
Evaluate how you coped with stress for the next holiday season. Did you keep negative memories of past holiday grief in the past? Were you able to keep interactions with negative people to a minimum? Were you able to keep your expectations realistic and at a minimum, or did you expect perfection and place undue stress on your desires? Did you play music to calm your nerves? Did you exercise or meditate? Or, did you talk with someone you trusted about your emotions?
Remember that you are human, and are not subject to someone’s rules on perfection. Some methods of coping which work for me are: remembering that problems are temporary, dealing with concerns early on when I realize a problem is emerging, reading, journaling, practicing calm breathing methods, and giving myself permission to take a break.
The end of 2017 marked a passage of time from the old to the new. The start of 2018 marks new holidays and new happenings and stressors. In a few months, another holiday season will be upon us. Some tips would be to meditate, ask for help if necessary, to write out a list based on significance of things to take care of, consider your finances, and remember to be good to yourself by taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Did you survive the stress and learn new coping skills? In looking at ways of coping with past holiday stressors, you may discover methods to de-stress throughout the year.
Some websites with resourceful information on coping with holiday stress and anxiety are below. Keep in mind that these methods can work all year round. They are:
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Damita L
Coping is defined by the Merriam Webster Desk Dictionary (1995) as the struggle to overcome problems or difficulties.
As you read through the Coping Strategies, think about what positive, negative, neutral, and time-out strategies that you use daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly.
For example: Is watching TV negative, positive, neutral or time out? Why?
COPING STRATEGIES: What do you do when you experience a strong emotion?
1. Stamp my feet
2. Think / reflect
3. Threaten someone
4. Drink water
5. Throw a tantrum
6. Sleep
7. Telephone a friend
8. Throw things
9. Count to 10
10. Count to 100
11. Watch TV
12. Tell a trusted person
13. Break things
14. Take deep breaths
15. Talk to a mental health professional
16. Scream/yell
17. Walk away
18. Play sports
19. Listen to music
20. Run
21. Write in my journal
22. Try to hurt someone
23. Tell jokes
24. Exercise
25. Punch pillows
26. Hide
27. Shop
28. Take a walk
29. Shop
30. Draw / paint
31. Hug a teddy bear
32. Read a book
33. Eat
34. Gossip
35. Sit down and think
36. Help someone
37. Drink
38. Play a game
39. Talk to trusted friend
40. Ride a bike
41. Be with friends
42. Go see a movie
43. Talk to myself
44. Clean my house
45. Curse
46. Exercise
47. Feel sorry for myself
48. Try mediation
49. Sing
50. Box
51. Cry
52. Stare at people
53. Become silent
54. Develop an attitude
55. Take a shower or a bath
56. Talk with the person involved
57. Have fun
58. Go to a peaceful place
59. Relax
60. Hurt myself
61. Hit someone
62. Play
63. Visit family member, etc.
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